


Worthy

by badfaithed



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22875478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badfaithed/pseuds/badfaithed
Summary: Eusine stood there for a long time, just holding Haunter. It occurred to him faintly that he really should text Morty and let him know what happened with Suicune, but in the end he didn’t. He didn’t think he was ready.
Relationships: Matsuba | Morty/Minaki | Eusine
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Parhelion

  


“Farewell, Suicune!”

  


“…”

  


Eusine woke with a start in his apartment in Celadon, sitting straight up, hands cool and clammy with sweat. He found himself staring at a poster of Suicune plastered on the wall opposite, slightly off kilter with the inexperience of younger hands. The room was dark, and not because of the closed blinds: the clock on the dresser read 03:18. He wiped his palms on his blankets, feeling strangely shaky as he got to his feet. “Ah… sorry,” he whispered apologetically to Drowzee, who had woken up from a light slumber after hearing the rustling of the sheets. He knew that it was difficult for the psychic Pokemon to fall asleep at all, often being the victim of insomnia. He brushed his hand along Drowzee’s trunk comfortingly and padded tiredly towards the poster, drawn to it somehow.

  


There were a lot of inaccuracies in the artwork of Suicune, he noticed, running his fingers down the shabby paper. The white diamonds were misplaced along its sides, and it was missing the fur under its snout. It was to be expected, honestly: hardly anyone really knew exactly what Suicune looked like. It hardly appeared to humans, and when it did, it was gone before you knew it. Eusine knew that all too well, and he let out a small bitter chuckle to himself. Turning, he surveyed his room. Anyone who visited would immediately be able to pinpoint his oversized fixation on this particular legendary Pokemon: posters, newspaper articles and memorabilia featuring the Pokemon dotted each wall, only broken apart by several postcards of different places, and even those he had found while chasing Suicune. 

  


He rarely came back to Celadon, preferring to roam about and go wherever anyone reported a sighting of the Aurora Pokemon, however dodgy or forged it seemed. But now… Well, of course there was nothing to chase. He watched that Ultra Ball close around Suicune, swallowing its blue and lavender light. He didn’t want to think about that Pokemon, but there was nothing else he could focus on, not when he had spent the last decade following it around in a string of smoke. Feeling a surge of uncertainty, he sat down by the wall, noting the dust underfoot but not caring enough to deal with it. Everything felt strange and hazy, like he was looking at the world through a pane of glass. He knew that he was probably barricading all of his emotions about losing hold of Suicune forever, but he didn’t want to deal with it, not now. Noting his distress easily, his loyal Drowzee bounded over, sitting by his side and resting his head against his arm. A half-smile found its way up Eusine’s face, and he ran his hand across the Pokemon’s coat affectionately.

  


“Hey, bud. Do you mind putting me to sleep for a bit?”

  


-

  


Eusine was wandering aimlessly on the roof of Celadon Condominiums when his phone rang. Haunter, who was out with him on this fine morning, turned to glance curiously at him as he fished the device out of his pocket. The screen flashed Morty’s name back at him, and he was struck by the desire to not answer, and to just go about his day. He didn’t want to hear that man’s exasperated but enthusiastic voice right now, not when he was still feeling weighed down by the loss of Suicune. But Haunter was giving him a look that knew far too much, so Eusine shot a glare back and picked up. Damn those ghost-types… Well, Haunter was a gifted Pokemon from Morty, so he supposed that he shouldn’t be surprised when the Pokemon seemed to have an uncanny view into his thoughts regarding that man. Looking out onto the bustling street below, Eusine held the phone up to his ear, other hand anxiously gripping the railing. 

  


“Yo, Morty. What’s up?” he started cheerily, deliberately ignoring Haunter’s I-can’t-believe-you expression. He cringed internally at the sound of his own artificial voice, but hopefully through the phone even Morty’s scarily accurate perception wouldn’t be able to pick up anything that was wrong. Eusine didn’t feel ready to tell anyone about his failure, least of all Morty, who had basically supported him at every turn, cheering him on in his own roundabout way when Eusine was discouraged.

  


“Haven’t heard from you in a while, so I decided to call… I’m doing great, I recently got a Dusclops and I’ve been working on training it.” Morty yawned, and the sound over the line triggered an odd sensation in Eusine’s chest. The man had probably been working hard with the Dusclops into the late hours of the night: Eusine knew firsthand how easily Morty lost himself in the realms of Ghost-type Pokemon, having witnessed Morty slip home in the late hours of the night, scratched, exhausted but elated. “Anyway… What about you?” The pregnant pause in Morty's question made Eusine shrink, but he only leaned back on the wall of the building to watch the azure sky. It was almost cloudless, only two wisps drifting at the ends of his vision. There wouldn’t be rain today, it seemed, and there would be no Suicune that came down with it… Eusine yanked himself back from that train of thought and followed a flock of Wingull with his eyes instead.

  


“I'm fine. And woah, that’s cool! Good luck with Dusclops,” Eusine started, smiling faintly. “You think you’re gonna add it to your usual lineup?” At that, Morty let out a hum that meant he was thinking, then replied. “Yes, possibly… He seems to enjoy battling, and the experience would probably be good.” A scuffling noise crackled over the line, and Eusine heard Morty say something in a scolding tone before returning to the call. “Sorry, that was Gengar. He’s particularly restless today.” Eusine shifted his weight to his other leg, glancing at his own Haunter, who looked at him somewhat quizzically. “t’s fine,” Eusine replied, trying to keep his tone bright and chipper so the weariness didn’t leak through. “Hey, sorry, I gotta go. I have a research paper I’m working on.” It wasn’t a lie, but in honesty he just didn’t want to talk to Morty, not when he felt like all the dejectedness and self-blame inside him would overflow any second. “Oh?” Morty sounded vaguely surprised, but ceded. “Good luck with it…! Eusine…” he trailed off, but Eusine stayed quiet to let him talk. “This is a bit sudden, but I suddenly had a feeling… If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m always here to listen! Just wanted to remind you of that.” 

  


Eusine’s gloved fingers tightened around the Pokeball that he was toying around with, his jaw twitching. Morty’d probably known him for so long that he could read him like a book, even when he could fool anyone else. That was one of the most infuriating things about him, but deep down Eusine did appreciate it. He swallowed harshly and nodded, then remembered that Morty couldn’t see him. “Okay,” he answered instead, voice dipping roughly. “Thank you, Morty.” Not waiting for a response, Eusine cut the call, slipping the phone back into his pocket. Burying his head in his hands, Eusine inhaled heavily, as if the familiar fabric would comfort him. Beside him, Haunter let out a small, concerned cry, and Eusine smiled appreciatively at his Pokemon. He reached out to hug the ghost, and Haunter solidified so he wouldn’t just be reaching through his body. 

  


Eusine stood there for a long time, just holding Haunter. It occurred to him faintly that he really should text Morty and let him know what happened with Suicune, but in the end he didn’t. He didn’t think he was ready.

  


-

  


“I’ll battle you as a trainer to win Suicune’s respect. Come on!”

  


“Suicune is waiting for you! It has been waiting for a battle with a worthy Trainer to whom it can entrust itself!”

  


Eusine woke in the dark once more, light eyes blinking up at the white ceiling. If you’d told him just a couple weeks ago that he would be essentially having nightmares about his favorite Pokemon, he wouldn’t believe you. But alas, it was true, and Eusine rolled uneasily onto his side and tried to get some proper shut-eye. It had been a productive day today, having made progress on his paper. However, all the satisfaction with getting work done faded with the remembrance of why he was in Celadon at all: because after ten years, there was nowhere else for him to go. His cape sat rather dismally on the back of his chair, and Eusine turned to face to wall so he didn’t have to look at it.

  


Needless to say, he couldn’t go back to sleep, as his body wasn’t exhausted enough for him to pass out. Instead, unwanted memories churned in his head, like bits of litter being lifted by the wind. All the things that he’d said to Morty since they were kids; _I can definitely do it! I’ve got this! I’m close to a breakthrough now! I saw Suicune with my own eyes, it was amazing! I found these old notes in the Canalave Library archives. One of these days I’ll catch Suicune, Morty, and then it’ll be worth it…!_ And through all that, a pair of violet eyes that would glimmer back at him like stones, wide and sincere and genuine… The warmth of a hug, the sensation of hands closing insistently around his, like an anchor. And yet…

  


For the first time since watching the Johtoian boy’s Ultra Ball let out of the stars of a successful capture, Eusine cried. His tears came out in aborted bursts as he sniffled quietly into his pillow, hands closing over his lips even in the safety of his own home. He didn’t know if his tears were for himself, or for Morty, or for Suicune, or for anything at all – he shifted into a fetal position, suddenly wanting, for all his flamboyance, to stop taking up so much space in the world. All those ridiculous dreams, all of his visions of glamour and success, the image of Suicune by his side… Eusine wanted to wipe it all away, from the first time he swore to his grandfather that he would reach Suicune to just months ago when he and Morty stood peering into the basement of the Burned Tower. He wanted it all to disappear.

  


He felt stupid for ever thinking even for a second that he could do it. He rather felt like he should’ve known all along, and should’ve stuck to the safety of words and libraries and studies and academia. Maybe then it wouldn’t feel like the whole world had caved in on him when he lost sight of that childhood dream of his. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like all he ever said to Morty were lies. He knew that the stoic gym leader believed in him wholeheartedly, could see it in his eyes and his actions, how he always urged Eusine to go on and helped him whenever he could, even when it was in the dead of night, and some odd revelation had hit Eusine out of nowhere. Strangely enough, Eusine felt like he had failed Morty more than anything, and that hurt the most. Had he really wasted so much of Morty’s time with nothing to show for it? Eusine felt sick to the stomach. Soft sobs wracked his body, leaving his pillow coolly damp. He couldn’t face Morty now, couldn’t he? 

  


Eusine looked at the Pokeballs on his desk, lit up by the white moonlight: the late hours dyed even Celadon’s rainbow hues into monochrome. He felt somewhat glad that they had all retired into their respective Pokeballs tonight, because he didn’t even want his Pokemon to see him in such a pathetic state. He felt distress emanating from Drowzee, whose psychic abilities probably allowed him to pick up on Eusine’s emotions. “Sorry,” mumbled Eusine into the night, pulling his covers closer around himself. There was no answer, but Eusine didn’t expect one. Arm finally splaying out onto his side, he fixated on the ceiling once again. Right now, he felt like he didn’t expect anything at all.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this while listening to [this pokemon mix](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pyKxn9yILk) i put together the other day if anyone's interested. next chap will probably be out within the next week! and yes, some of the dialogue is lifted directly from the hg/ss games.
> 
> thank you for reading!


	2. Irisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night, Eusine found himself unable to fall asleep again. His brain felt like it was in overdrive. Struck suddenly by a strange sense of anguish and anger, Eusine got to his bare feet and stalked over to one of the walls. Suicune looked back at him, its red eyes flinty, distant and cool. He struck out, though his fist only landed weakly on the poster. He glared at the caricature of Suicune, something inchoate rising in his body. Sinking his teeth into his lip, he tore off the crumbling sheet of paper. He really needed to move on from it, get away from all this.

  


Hunched over his desk, Eusine’s hands drummed irreverently on the wood before he started writing again, his arms crowded in by the cramped space. On his bed, Professor Oak’s Pokemon Talk played from his old portable radio, acting as white noise as he continued working on his next publication. Despite him liking to be recognized as a Suicune hunter, he was still a researcher first and foremost. Besides, he needed to do this to support his living. The afternoon sunlight drifted through the window, but he didn’t feel like leaving the flat. On regular days, he would usually opt to stay in a coffee shop somewhere, but he didn’t feel motivated to do so today. 

  


Electrode’s static electricity crackled behind him, and Eusine turned to look at the rolling ball of energy, restlessly zooming across the apartment floor. “You need to let loose, huh?” Eusine acknowledged, though the answer was clear. “Maybe I can take you out for a few battles tomorrow, if you want,” he suggested, much to the elation of Electrode. Smiling brightly at the Ball Pokemon, Eusine returned to his work. His eyes were diligently trained on the paper, deliberately avoiding the large map detailing his adventures that he had pinned up in front of the desk. It was easier to concentrate when he didn’t glance up at it every few seconds, after all, and he was a bit sick of all the upsetting thoughts he himself had.

  


That night, Eusine found himself unable to fall asleep again. His brain felt like it was in overdrive. Struck suddenly by a strange sense of anguish and anger, Eusine got to his bare feet and stalked over to one of the walls. Suicune looked back at him, its red eyes flinty, distant and cool. He struck out, though his fist only landed weakly on the poster. He glared at the caricature of Suicune, something inchoate rising in his body. Sinking his teeth into his lip, he tore off the crumbling sheet of paper. He really needed to move on from it, get away from all this. Turning around, he methodically removed everything, scraping the dry tack off with his fingers and getting a washcloth to get rid of the yellowing tape stains. Haunter fretted endlessly at his shoulder until he turned to wave the concerned Pokemon off. He hummed as he stuffed the papers in the trash, trying to keep his mood somewhat light, though it sounded forced even to his own ears.

  


When everything was done, he plopped himself back down at his chair. Haunter half drifted through the desk in front of him and Eusine absentmindedly flicked a hand through his now non-corporeal wisps, booting up his laptop. He’d been looking at some holidaying possibilities the past few weeks, and he thought that perhaps now would be appropriate. “Where do you wanna go?” Eusine asked, cocking his head at Haunter, who let out a breath of freezing air as he joined Eusine to look at the side with the monitor. There were quite a few options, but Eusine wanted to go somewhere far, somewhere beyond Johto and Hoenn, somewhere to find peace of mind. Haunter seemed to be of the same opinion as he gestured vigorously towards a picture of Unova. “Ooooh…” Eusine ran a thumb across his lip, clicking open the tab to look at the details. Seemed promising enough, he thought. Fortunately, he had enough savings for this, and he could cash in a few favors to get a place to stay. Picking up his phone, he dialed a number that he still remembered by memory. “Hi, darling – it’s Eusine.”

  


-

  


By the time the sun broke through the clouds, Eusine was waltzing around the flat with Haunter, who was probably too big and too clumsy for any of this, but was nice enough to play along with Eusine. One of Haunter’s disembodied hands were secure around Eusine’s, the other floating about in an uncertain position above Eusine’s shoulder. Eusine grinned as he led the Pokemon in an awkward basic box step, he himself moving with ease. There was an open luggage in the corner with several clothing items folded neatly within, and Drowzee was leaning by the side of it, dozing off as he watched his trainer fool around. Electrode’s Pokeball was occupied, having retreated back in to stop gathering as much energy and risk an explosion. Eusine spun Haunter round and round, and when he stopped Haunter looked mildly woozy, the sunlight passing through his now gaseous body. Haunter looked back at him with a hard stare, one that said – _Happy now?_ Eusine only laughed, letting him go with an apologetic bow.

  


He cracked his knuckles and kneeled down next to his luggage, thinking for a second before fetching a few more items. He had considered how long he wanted to stay in Unova, and he figured it would be better both for him and the progress of his work if he spent a longer period of time there. He knew that he still wasn’t dealing with his problems properly or at all, but if he couldn’t scramble for emotional distance, then physical distance was the next best alternative he could afford. Unova had its own host of legendaries for him to marvel over, mythical creatures and beings that he didn’t feel chained to with what might as well be a collar. It was a distraction, he mused to himself in a convinced way as he bustled around the tiny bathroom for amenities, the only room separated from the rest of his studio apartment. 

  


The rest of the morning passed quickly, what with Eusine getting ready for his flight early next day. When Drowzee finally approached him around noon to gesture at Electrode’s vibrating Pokeball, Eusine clicked his heels together once and got to his feet nimbly. “How about we all go out for a whirl, huh? Call it a mini family trip before the big one.” When he got a (somewhat) affirmative reply from Drowzee and Haunter, he got dressed and clipped their Pokeballs onto his belt. He reached for his cape, but then dropped his hand. He didn’t feel like he deserved any sort of flair, not right now, and he was truly not in the mood for sauntering about with his usual theatrics. He hesitated for a long moment before clapping his palms together harshly, as if the noise could wake himself up from whatever thoughts he was getting himself into a rut about. With a final glance, he swung the door shut and headed out to Route 7, where a decent number of trainers wandered about on the daily. Wasn’t a lot, but he didn’t want to go very far out from Celadon. Unfamiliar with the constant sensation of anxiety buzzing about his chest, he felt marginally more comfortable on homely roads. Just thinking about such an idea made him feel pathetic, but then an ace trainer was tossing her first Pokeball at him, and then he had no time to think. With a menacing crackle, Electrode exploded into the air, its lips pulled back in its usual toothy smile.

  


“Electrode, Thunder!”

  


-

  


Eusine let his Pokemon out with him when they headed back, all tired and worn out but ultimately, happy. Evening was falling upon his hometown, the skies being a dark shade of mauve, and the clouds like wisps of sweet cotton candy doused in a cocktail. His private, more negative reservations flitted at the forefront of his head, but he made sure not to show any signs of it, not wanting to dampen his companions’ spirits. He got them all back into Pokeballs to hand them over to the Pokemon Center Nurse, who beamed brightly at him as she healed up his Pokemon in no time. Before Eusine could turn around to go though, she called after him, a little flustered. Eyebrow quirking high on his face, Eusine nodded back at her with a questioning glance. A sudden romantic proposition? There was no way, he thought to himself with a small chuckle at the amusing idea. What she actually said made him freeze in his tracks, however: “The gym leader, Morty, came asking for you, a little while earlier. I think he said that he would just wait for you to come back, but I’m not sure-”

  


He didn’t let her finish before dashing out of the Pokemon Center. However, once he was standing out in the open, he felt like he was at a loss. For starters, he didn’t know why Morty was even here. Kanto and Johto was close, but it wasn’t like it was just a stone’s throw away, right? So why? Maybe just a friendly visit…? But Morty always phoned beforehand… And Eusine hadn’t stayed stationary in Celadon for a long time, indeed he was hardly home, so either he-? He? Eusine didn’t know. Right now he looked at his apartment with a wary eye, not wanting to move. You’re a grown ass adult, he berated himself violently, but still he felt rooted to the ground as several trainers passed by him with curious stares. He needed to get himself together, and quick: he knew that he’d given Morty a spare key at some point, and he wasn’t so stupid that he didn’t know that Morty was indeed going to be right there, two steps behind his front door. Clutching his wrist tightly as if it would ground him that way, he paced back and forth for a good minute before steeling his nerves and heading home. His heartbeat flitted like a caged bird’s wings, and the rush of emotions he felt made his head hurt. Regret, worry, fear, and guilt, guilt and more guilt again. He swallowed dryly – everything tasted antiseptic and heavy.

  


However, what greeted him when he opened the door wasn’t Morty, but his flat, completely untouched. Wait a second, no, not exactly untouched… The windows were open wide and the night chill drifted through the window, blowing the curtains back. The clothes in his luggage were lopsided, flipped a few times over. Someone had bothered to weigh down Eusine’s papers with the heavy book that he had been browsing earlier, and he felt another presence in the room. Eusine released his Pokemon with a swift stroke of his hand, but the only thing that came out of the darkness was a Sableye… Morty’s Sableye. His blue gemstone eyes glittered back at Eusine, who approached warily. “Good… evening?” he tried rather weakly, and Sableye’s only response was a twitch of his ear-like appendages. With a surprisingly speedy movement, Sableye leapt onto the windowsill, and with a jerk of his claws that could mean nothing other than _follow me_ , disappeared above the window. Eusine was left standing in the half-darkness, and he didn’t move till Drowzee gave him a rather forceful shove, causing him to stumble forward. Eusine clicked his tongue, but found no reason to argue. With his only flight-capable Pokemon drifting by his side, he gingerly climbed out of the window onto the roof. At one point he almost slipped down five stories to his demise, but Haunter had stabilized him with a solid but entirely ice-cold hand on his back. 

  


He emerged onto the roof with two hands plunged deep inside his pockets like stones. He could make out Morty’s silhouette on the other side, the darkness of his clothes a precognitive void in the darkening night. He was seated by the edge and accompanied by his Drifblim, who rippled inessentially with the wind and continually hovered up and down, and his Sableye, who was now staring unerringly at Eusine as he fumbled with his own words, not knowing what to say. He opened his mouth to at least greet Morty, or something, but nothing came out but a sharp exhale, as if he’d just had all the air knocked out of him. Before he could say anything, though, Morty did; “Do come sit down,” he intoned quietly, as if he was trying to keep any sort of inflection from seeping into his voice. 

  


After a long pause, Eusine padded forward meekly and joined Morty, sitting down so that his legs similarly dangled downwards towards the street below. Celadon was a constantly kaleidoscopic affair in of itself, and he could see that clearly now, with the people still filling out the space despite or perhaps because of, the steadily lengthening shadows. Eusine’s clammy hands closed in on the roof tile underneath him, looking for something to steady himself and his breath. He looked at Morty out of the corner of his eye and felt a sudden, painful ache seize him like whiplash. Morty’s hair was lit impossibly brighter by the artificial lights of the city, the strands brushed white, outlining him against the pervading night. His eyes were the same Adriatic lavender as they always had been in every one of Eusine’s memories, and were now trained at Morty’s own feet. The synthetic glow of the streetlights kissed Morty’s pale face, lifting it up, drawing out the lines of his knitted brow and his puerile frown for Eusine to see. He couldn’t pinpoint the jittery feelings that sparked inside of him like a blown fuse, and it was a long time before he could string two thoughts together. When he did speak, Morty spoke at the same time.

  


“I’m sorry about everything,”

  


“You’re running away, aren’t you?”

  


Morty’s eyes were almost strigine in their laser-like focus as he turned to regard Eusine. Absently Eusine noted that Morty’s nose had gone red from the cold, and he wondered how long he had indeed been sitting up here. Eusine glanced away over the buildings again to evade those heavy eyes, and Morty let out a short frustrated noise before reaching over to snatch up Eusine’s hands and gripping them harshly. “You’re running away,” he concluded with a strained voice, as Eusine was forced to meet Morty’s gaze once more. The other man’s face was impassive, now, but bits of his fervor leaked through onto his countenance, into the twitch of his lips, the narrowing of his eyes, the tightening of his jaw. Eusine just didn’t know what to _do._ If he thought he was lost for words before, he certainly was even more so now.

  


Then Morty leaned forward and Eusine found himself engulfed in a hug. He almost flinched at the touch, but he relaxed slowly, each tense muscle loosening gradually. Morty’s fingers grazed his shoulder lightly, running over the curves and lines there, while his other hand lay flat on his back, steady, careful, soft; a constant. When Eusine finally felt less high-strung, he pressed his cheek onto Morty’s shoulder, hiding his face there and letting the intimate closeness wash over him. An indefinite amount of time passed, but Morty’s hold didn’t slacken. When Eusine drew back many minutes later, he found Morty smiling at him, a little too bitter, a little too sweet, and violet eyes just a touch too damp.

  


“Let’s talk, okay?”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took longer than i expected, mostly because i actually have problems with mustering up motivation. anyway, i hope that this is still at least interesting to read! hope everyone is doing okay and social distancing. take care :>
> 
> the chapter after this will be the last!


End file.
